Life has always had a flow, a direction, I could expect patterns to emerge between positive and negative occurrences. This made negativity much easier to deal with, as it fit the pattern and had an expected time to emerge.
But just as we learn these things, they evolve; mutate outside a given path, so the expected can no longer be found. While there was some a a b a type of flow before, negativity abounds, no matter how much I shake it. It's not the world that's lost sync I believe, it is me, fallen out of my life's cycle, and I'm punished for not being where I'm meant to fit. The hard part is finding a way back, when I'm so removed from where I believe I'm supposed to be, that I'm not sure how to step back into the correct path.
Now this also begs the question: if I believe this, and therefore somewhat expect negativity, am I putting that out there and receiving it, because I expect to? I believe simply stating the above would show otherwise, as deep in my heart, I want for good, so I'm not predominantly expecting negativity, as much as I'm not surprised when it arrives.
You would, however expect this foresight to soften the blow, instead it just seems to make the air thicker. I'm drowning, caught underwater, and can't find traction to pull up for air.
Yes, this permeates negative thinking, it's just hard to ignore, when I'm actually an optimist, my glass was half full, until it fell off the table and shattered.
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