It's funny that I'm an optimist, trapped in such a negative situation, that optimism isn't working.
My anti-social behavior is worsening, because I can't get my license back right this moment, one person is too ill, and may be more anti-social than I am, and the other just doesn't invite me to do anything anymore.
My conversations online whittle down to nothing, because I guess no one wants to hear the honesty of what I'm going through. So, I write music, try to hold my head up and pretend things will get better.
The reality is, with the current situation I may have a matter of weeks to find a place to crash, because the money for bills is gone.
"can I get my medicine refilled?" I asked, "when I get paid."
A. That leaves me without medicine for at least a week.
B. Your mental illness has caused you to no call no show for two weeks... There's not going to be a paycheck, or a job for that matter.
Yes I'm an adult, and need to get my shit together, but how do I magically go get my license back, take my meds so I can get a job, to pay for meds I have no money for? It's a cycle that's been going on for too long, I have to break out of it and figure something out. Yes, this is just me ranting at myself, it just saves me from saying it to others, because it scares them away.