I hear a voice, to me it beckons
To be with it, in mere seconds
(I'd slip away)
I'd slip away, into the void
To be reborn, or be destroyed
Sweet insanity, fed by the lonely
From all around me screams, cries of the only
Forgotten ones, fade away
Have I become one? Doomed to stay
My soul laid bare, exposed for all
Pick it clean, with gnashing teeth
(send me home)
Stench of regret, I've grown so wary
(on wings of pain)
Send me home, on wings of pain
-xXRx 333ch2
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Wings of Pain(The Fourth Seal)
Lain proof on heavens gate
Single tear shed for a saint
A final cry for the sane
Before darkness' plane
Once again transcends
Envelopes all in the shroud
And with it ends
Foolish thoughts of the proud
The holy mother, swaddle in her bosom
And to my brother, leave the wisdom
Cradled in lunacy, disease of the weak
A mind impure, unable to think
The sickness spreads, Down the tree
My open arms, Unto thee
The fruit of the vine
Ripe with rot
Descendants of mine
Surely will not
Bear this burden, feel this loss
Lift their curse, carry their cross
If I'm the last, its not in vein
It dies with me, the final stain
Lineage lifted from sorrow
If sickness dwells not in the morrow.
If the blood carries the curse
Then bleed me dry
Lose me In broken verse
On wings of pain I'll fly
Rhythm to life.
Life has always had a flow, a direction, I could expect patterns to emerge between positive and negative occurrences. This made negativity much easier to deal with, as it fit the pattern and had an expected time to emerge.
But just as we learn these things, they evolve; mutate outside a given path, so the expected can no longer be found. While there was some a a b a type of flow before, negativity abounds, no matter how much I shake it. It's not the world that's lost sync I believe, it is me, fallen out of my life's cycle, and I'm punished for not being where I'm meant to fit. The hard part is finding a way back, when I'm so removed from where I believe I'm supposed to be, that I'm not sure how to step back into the correct path.
Now this also begs the question: if I believe this, and therefore somewhat expect negativity, am I putting that out there and receiving it, because I expect to? I believe simply stating the above would show otherwise, as deep in my heart, I want for good, so I'm not predominantly expecting negativity, as much as I'm not surprised when it arrives.
You would, however expect this foresight to soften the blow, instead it just seems to make the air thicker. I'm drowning, caught underwater, and can't find traction to pull up for air.
Yes, this permeates negative thinking, it's just hard to ignore, when I'm actually an optimist, my glass was half full, until it fell off the table and shattered.
But just as we learn these things, they evolve; mutate outside a given path, so the expected can no longer be found. While there was some a a b a type of flow before, negativity abounds, no matter how much I shake it. It's not the world that's lost sync I believe, it is me, fallen out of my life's cycle, and I'm punished for not being where I'm meant to fit. The hard part is finding a way back, when I'm so removed from where I believe I'm supposed to be, that I'm not sure how to step back into the correct path.
Now this also begs the question: if I believe this, and therefore somewhat expect negativity, am I putting that out there and receiving it, because I expect to? I believe simply stating the above would show otherwise, as deep in my heart, I want for good, so I'm not predominantly expecting negativity, as much as I'm not surprised when it arrives.
You would, however expect this foresight to soften the blow, instead it just seems to make the air thicker. I'm drowning, caught underwater, and can't find traction to pull up for air.
Yes, this permeates negative thinking, it's just hard to ignore, when I'm actually an optimist, my glass was half full, until it fell off the table and shattered.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
The rambling slows
I've grown quiet, too quiet... But we both realize one real truth. No one cares anymore, I don't write, because no one reads. This was intended to be a deeper layer than most get from what they know of me and my other projects.
In just a few months time, I've burrowed into severely anti-social state. I don't even get on Facebook lately, because I don't see a purpose. It's funny to see people buried in their phones, constantly proving their self worth and keeping tabs on their "friends".
This is pretty directionless, like I've felt... Stepped away ling enough to realize some things, that made me feel like so much is just so shallow, I'll continue to do what I do, and be myself, but for now I'm doing it because I need to, not to make a deadline or please anyone, maybe that makes it genuine, maybe that makes me a dick.
There are at least 20 people out there that were told: "if you don't hear from me, I'm sick, send me a message and I'll reply, it'll help me, and you'll understand I'm not distant because I don't care" now, in the throes of sickness, what am I supposed to assume, when I don't get messages, it hurts less to stop checking at a point. My life at any given moment can be a great success or failure, usually it's both at once in bittersweet ways I can't even begin to explain. I always lose someone, or something to gain or to be creative, expression and loss go hand in hand. One again I've written in circles without a defined point, I just feel the weight of the world tonight, and it's crushing me.
In just a few months time, I've burrowed into severely anti-social state. I don't even get on Facebook lately, because I don't see a purpose. It's funny to see people buried in their phones, constantly proving their self worth and keeping tabs on their "friends".
This is pretty directionless, like I've felt... Stepped away ling enough to realize some things, that made me feel like so much is just so shallow, I'll continue to do what I do, and be myself, but for now I'm doing it because I need to, not to make a deadline or please anyone, maybe that makes it genuine, maybe that makes me a dick.
There are at least 20 people out there that were told: "if you don't hear from me, I'm sick, send me a message and I'll reply, it'll help me, and you'll understand I'm not distant because I don't care" now, in the throes of sickness, what am I supposed to assume, when I don't get messages, it hurts less to stop checking at a point. My life at any given moment can be a great success or failure, usually it's both at once in bittersweet ways I can't even begin to explain. I always lose someone, or something to gain or to be creative, expression and loss go hand in hand. One again I've written in circles without a defined point, I just feel the weight of the world tonight, and it's crushing me.
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