Worn thin

Gave into exhaustion after today's shoot. Am I wearing myself too thin? I will probably work myself until the anxiety wins, but I just can't deny these creative times, or I'll regret them when I don't have much work... I have a good 40 hours ahead just editing the last two shoots, hopefully before Fridays shoot... I hate getting backed up on editing.

Unloading my brain

Pretty productive week, I had two good pinup style shoots, and shot a bikini fashion show... At the end I had a bottle of baby powder dumped on me, and random messages written on my arms...
Sent off what I've done with the celldweller remix of "best it's gonna get"to omnihil to let him break it even more, before submitting. Began (slowly) working on the squarehead feat. Klayton remix of "idiot"...
Let's see, boring stuff, cut more cards, printed more flyers, sent off tshirt designs... Started tinkering with design work on three sites, and I have my eye on a perty radio trigger, the infrared just isn't cutting it.
Should be some more exciting things coming this week, but that's another entry altogether.
Yep I did stuff.

Now

With the positive said, thought I'd voice my opinion for just a second.
Why must my ex's drive me insane? I had a good night last night, hanging out with another photographer(we can get along when we try) and a friend since childhood. It was nice.
I awake today to psycho Twitter messages, and emails from two different people. The email I could handle, it was trying to be respectful, but divorce is hard when kids are involved.
The Twitter message was insane, accusing me of getting back together with my ex, just because I agreed to photograph her soon, and she is doing the makeup at the show tommorow. I can't try to get along with my ex's without othe ex's getting pissed?
I made the decision months ago to kill my personal life and focus on my professional... That just causes problems. I don't want a girlfriend right now, I can't see my kids, so why should I bother with shallow pleasantries? Just leave me be, I'm a nice guy, and haven't wronged anyone, accept your own shortcomings instead of passing the blame.
Last week was full of people getting too drunk and being mean too, for no reason. Currently there are about 4 people in my area code, I enjoy the company of... The rest live in other states and I miss them.
There I got it out there, and since no one reads this... It was therapy for me, if you do read it, I'm sure you stopped a couple poorly diagrammed paragraphs ago.

Tired but content

I had two great shoots this week, had another scheduled tommorow, but may postpone because we also have a fashion show to shoot. I don't want to half ass either one.
You can see the pics up on darqpress, deviantart, myspace, or flickr... www.maschinetraum.deviantart.com may be the easiest to find, unless you stalk us :)
There's always:
www.darqpress.com (it has a flickr feed, and a gallery section)
www.myspace.com/darqpress

And if you want to really stalk us check out:
www.myspace.com/xxrx
www.myspace.com/thebrothersdarqly

Blech

Yeah reading back through this, I'm a moody sommabitch lately... I was pushing myself too hard. Now, oddly, that things have slowed down I'm producing quality material, instead of feeling like I have to pump out material just to remind people I'm still alive.
After a quick attempt at regaining my social life, I remembered why I'm reclusive. It's well justified. So I'll just stay in my fortress unless commisioned for work, then I'll do my duty and return here for hours of editing. Solice in the silence. Other than missing my kids, life has actually been pretty amazing, so sorry if I sound negative. Climbing out of depression is hard, especially when you actually have a reason to be depressed. I am feeling better, getting my health, sanity and workflow back :)

Back online

Took almost a week to get back online, so I took a mini vacation... Bbqs,green fairies... Pretty fun. Now, back to work!!!

Poison

At some point the body turns, begins to feed off intoxicants. It needs something other than vitamins and protein to survive.
Maybe it's the caffeine, the tv, alcohol, or thc, "I only smoke when I drink" you tell yourself, but you drink all day.
Sunlight hurts, there's numbness in your hands, you bare the scars of years of abuse, on the outside and in. Was the extra cheese worth it? Did your supersize bring you comfort? Exercise, love, society, are all lost on this tongue.
Too much sleep, or insomnia. Calm the pain, or make it scream over all the other noise. Birds chirping, car alarms and ringtones. Infomercials. Pick your poison. Was the extra cheese worth it?

You will lose me.

I hide behind the knobs, these oscillators. I hide behind this lens, these lights. I hide behind this screen, these frames.
You will lose me in this time, in these measures. You will lose me in the apreture, the f-stop.
I get lost between the rgb, the spectrum. The lfo, the compression. I get lost between the geometry, pixels, and calculation.
I fine tune, until all is white, only the noise remains. I hide here, it's warmth envelopes me. #ffffff is where I hide. You can't find me, where I reside. Static, abberation, anomolies welcome.
You will lose me.