Finally

I can blab! FiXT magazine has been announced. Hopefully it'll launch this week. Should be fun.

Workload

So much work on new super secret project, most of today's work was scrapped in the end. But still a very cool project. At least I feel like part of the team now, and I'm up to speed on everything.
Photoshoot Tuesday, not fully planned yet, but it's getting there, looks like I have a model, now I just need to verify the location.
In my spare, (which is rare)time, I've been storyboarding a few shoot and video ideas, even started a new shortfilm... Wouldn't know what style to call it... 2d imagery animated in 3d space...hmm.
Music? Well I was working my ass off on the new celldweller remix, but I'm going to be sending the rest of it to omnihil,my other half of xXRx to finish up...until this new work is stable, I can't waste any time...

Sorry if I've ignored you.

Working on a super secret, huge project!
Time consuming, but great.

My fucking so called life

Yin and yang, karma...things few believe in. It's not that I believe in much more than the core concepts.
As a teenager I raised hell, I fucked up what I could, when I could.
Even as no one is reading this, I'm questioning why a myth about my life must preceed me. I was told earlier how my wife finally left me, because after years of cheating on her she got fed up. The truth, her substance abuse and lack of compassion, led me to realize if I had to raise my kids alone, I might as well kick her out, and raise them alone.
Yet I get judged. By misinformed people. She took my kids away, after a year of no contact I begged her to watch them so I could care for my ill mother... One of the last rimes I saw them. They were stolen, by a junkie and a liar. Yet I pay the price, if it must be spoken in literal terms,$30,000. As if I'd never had them. As if I didn't give up everything I loved to wake up every day and cook breakfast,packed lunch and work a job until they got off the bus.
Who cares? All I get is rumors, of a life I haven't even lived, and why? Honestly? Jealousy. I've accomplished more, even in my anxiety ridden home sheltered couple of years, than all these kids making "the scene". Believe whAt you want, my personal life has suffered to compensate for my professional life flourishing. But I don't even care about that, it came down to me keeping myself entertained, because I miss my kids so much. Monday was my birthday, I spent it with them,and it was wonderful. It may be the last time i ever see them. Bit o loved them,more than anything on this earth. The only reason I'm confiding here is because no one will ever read this. I'm sorry. I'm tired. I have so many obligations, very serious ones at this point, I just don't want to wake up tommorow.
I've lived a long wonderful, amazing life. I'm tired. I'm sorry, I love so many of you, but I get spit on everyday. Let the rumors live,way past the man, a few people will know the truth. Who cares?

New pics

Posted a ton up @
www.myspace.com/darqpress

And
www.myspace.com/xxrx

All old pics from the life of this guy...
Should be shooting some actual art and such this week, after I get a bit further into my recording sessions

Another day

Started serious work on celldwellers the best it's gonna get remix, laid down some guitars with Chad, just to get that project started...
Get to see my kids tommorow... I guess since it's officially past midnight, it's also my birthday.
Still a week of recording sessions, remixes, and photoshoots... Different week, same stuff.

Long day

Awoke to the lovely buzzing of my phone as per usual. Txt to remind I had one hour to be on location for the first of three shoots. Shit. So pack the lights, do a gear checklist and book it... Of course I had to send someone across town, because I forgot the release forms and the light trigger. Smooth... Shoots went well, too well... Free booze is nice, but damn... Limits. Ended up with a few interested musicians(getting the brother darqly album finished and planning shows, takes more than two guys though) back at the house... More booze followed. The rest, well, watched bad movies by my lonesome. It sucks being single. But it's by choice, it'll make me a stronger person and all that crap I tell myself, so I don't get into blah blah blah... Yeah I was tired of reading that too.

And then...

Nursing a cold... Supposed to celebrate multiple birthdays tonight, mine included... Guess I'll be having birthday part two as well... Doing it up casino style next week.
That is all.

Spoiler alert... I'm a big nerd

I won a gift certificate from lensbaby, for this interesting way of displaying art...
Soon I'll have my optic swaps... Plastic, single glass, and pinhole/zoneplate.
Ordering the macro kit tommorow. And soon getting a radio trigger for the new lights, the infrared trigger just doesn't have the range I want.

So, I'm watching where the wild things are.... Does anyone else notice the furpiles? Damn furries.

Ah Evan

Finally found a friend to confide in... For at least a pint.

If you're happy and productive clap your hands

What's that? No clapping?
It's just funny to me, I'm usually a nice, productive and fun person to be around... But for some reason my "friends" just don't seem to be around when I need to share a drink and my thoughts. Thanks guys, make sure to think of me for all of your photographic and musical needs.
I always regret being this painfully honest when I blog, but that's what it's here for.

Life is only understood backwards, but we have to live it forwards

I feel lost. I know so many other people out there, that attempt to reach out just like I do. I have a voice, something to contribute to mankind, but can I withstand the barrage of seemingly unrelated negativity that pours in every day? It seeps into my every pore, weighing me down. I have so many things to finish, projects collecting dust, while I scramble to rebuild an insignificant personal life. Friends? Love? I've been a punching bag long enough. I've been in my home almost nonstop for a year now, people actually thought I was not living here anymore, my head injuries make social interaction hard, and doctors assume that people that look like me are junkies. So no help there, as I force myself out I start to remember why the sanctity of my home is so comforting. People just don't care anymore. It's not like anyone will read this,if you've even read this far, youay have more issues than I do.
Is the answer through a lens, or a new musical project? Maybe it's just at the bottom of a bottle. Another tortured artist blah blah, who cares? The legacy is always worth more once the creator is gone.

The highs and lows

Life comes in waves, sometimes lulling us,into a relaxed state of mind, things are great, but then comes the next swell. Things start to go wrong, before you know it, you're lost at sea in a storm of hurt and pain.
The better my professional life becomes, the more disappointing my personal life is. When it comes to working, everyone seems pleased, when it comes to love and friendship, I just can't keep anyone satisfied. I've been toiling tirelessly to Improve the quality of my life, but it just gets met with more resistence.
I hate today.

Blah blah blah

I had some cancelled shoots this week, that gets a bit old,I did shoot a concert and did some Candid shots before the show... Think I'm just going to focus(hehe) on stop animation and recording the rest of the brothers darqly album for a few days. Should be ordering some new optics and filters for the new lens soon...
I've gotten some offers to help produce some music for a couple different groups, should be an interesting venture, and hey, it pays. Darqpress will be sponsoring a fashion show soon, and may even lend our talents to a line of clothing... Such interesting things we get approached about these days. Also expect concerts with "darqpress presents" in the title sometime this year.

Dear diary

Today was rather amazing, I've tackled several issues in my personal life, and stepped up my professional life ten fold. It's hard to go into specifics without naming names. So much negativity has resolved, and I've managed to take my work to a new level. Life is to ne cherished, and this is the best I've felt in a long time.

Freaks,rock stars and tattoos

Went to riggs mister tattoo yesterday to get a puzzle piece by the enigma, had a great time riggs was there too, as well as alot of friends I haven't seen in forever.
I got my new lens today, it takes a bit to adjust to but it really adds something interesting to the photography, hopefully the new lights arrive tommorow. 5shoots this week alone, so there's plenty of work to do, to get used to the new equipment. You can see riggs, enigma and more at: www.myspace.com/darqpress