The more I want to be a good healthy, productive person, the harder I fail.
Please don't ever trust me, don't love me, don't become close to me. I hurt everyone I love. I'm so sorry, but I can't fix the things I do. I have the biggest heart, but my head is messed up, I'm sick, but trying to fix it.
No one can hate me, more than I already do.
This isn't some pointless self loathing, I did something horrible, that I can't fathom. I'll type it out once I can handle thinking about it.
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